The last few days has been a sad time for the rock community, especially for Linkin Park fans. I found out in the afternoon, roughly 12 hours after it was announced, that Chester Bennington was found dead in an apparent suicide. I first found out when the Filipino band Saydie reposted Rakista Radio's Facebook post announcing that Chester Bennington had passed away.
At first, I did not believe it. But the pain I felt was so real and so strong that I just had to Google it immediately, hoping it was a hoax. But it was not a hoax. After a few more clicks, I learned that an "employee", probably a part of the band's crew, had found the 41-year-old father of six hanging in his L.A. home. I was devastated. I still am. Linkin Park was integral to my teen years. At the time when I was myself suicidal because of daily school bullying from the age of 6, "Crawling" came blasting on the radio and listening to it was a cathartic experience.
Even though I had listened to Queen, Aerosmith, and Bon Jovi as a child, Linkin Park was my first real introduction to rock music. After ten years of listening to mostly romantic pop songs up until that point, Linkin Park was a revelation. I learned that music can sound and feel so good even when the lyrics express the deepest and darkest parts of one's experience. I learned that hip-hop and rock together can sound so amazing.
But more importantly, I felt that I wasn't alone. The bulk of Hybrid Theory and Meteora illustrated the exact experience of depression and the catalysts for it. The simple and honest lyrics described the loneliness that I felt when I was bullied and nobody ever came to defend me. Every reference of fear and pain, I identified with. Every scream was my own anguish.
Chester's voice resonated through the music. In multiple interviews, fellow Linkin Park vocalist Mike Shinoda has described Chester's inclusion into the band as the gel that put their sound together. Unlike their contemporaries, the band lineup had stayed the same from their inception. Chester Bennington and Mike Shinoda on vocals, Brad Delson on guitar, Dave Farrell on bass, Rob Bourdon on drums, and Joseph Hahn on turntables. Because of this solid band, there has been some degree of consistency despite gradually transitioning to electronic pop as of the latest album One More Light.
While Linkin Park has always been, first and foremost, a band, Bennington's role as lead vocalist elevates him to "frontman" status for many fans. And so, the impact of his death is all the more heartrending as he had been at the forefront as the band's young fans fought their demons alongside him.
Just a few hours ago, Linkin Park released a statement, an open letter for Chester in which they expressed their sorrow for his passing and their continuing love for him and his family.
While Chester's absence is not nearly as literal for the fans as it is for his friends and family, it is still heavily felt. Chester's beautiful lyrics came from a dark place in his life, and the anguish of it resonated with adolescent fans all over the world. Knowing that he had since gotten clean from meth since joining the band, we felt that Chester's story was one of redemption. When the theme of the band's music shifted from teenage angst to sociopolitical commentary, I felt like I'm growing up along with them. I eventually healed and stopped having suicidal thoughts by age 20.
It is doubly heartbreaking that the story was not the same for one that had sparked my love for rock music and taught me that creating art is worth living for. This gave me the painful realization that depression is invisible, and Chester himself has expressed that he cannot be left alone with it; otherwise, he can be his boisterous self as long as he is surrounded by other people. In the process, the people surrounding him may not have spotted the signs at all.
Let this be a message to all. If you feel alone, or hopeless, or empty; if you feel like there is no point in living or loving; if there are voices in your head telling you how ugly and awful and unlovable you are; if the voices are so loud you don't hear the birds singing, or your colors are muted; if you feel so tired on the inside that you don't feel joy with your interests, or your favorite food tastes like ashes; if you feel so numb that you find yourself turning to alcohol or drugs or self-harm to feel anything; if all of these combined culminates in you writing a goodbye note and brainstorming which way out to choose, STOP AND GET HELP. Reach out to a loved one and don't be ashamed. You might be surprised that people are actually willing to help you. You are alive for a reason. You are alive for a purpose. You're not here by accident. There are people who love you so much they will be hurt if you go, because you are precious. PLEASE GET HELP.
http://www.rappler.com/nation/146077-doh-hotline-mental-health-assistance-open-suicide-prevention
http://www.in-touch.org/contact-us
